Around the World With 8 Cullens
by Hockey-Girl32
Summary: A certain Cullen wins an Around the World trip for eight. As they travel from continent to continent, who will they meet? What will they do? What adventures will they have? Will Jasper be a successful ballet dancer? Hilarious and out of control. E/B
1. Chapter 1

**Around the World with 8 Cullens**

**[Set after Breaking Dawn; without Renesmee]**

**Chapter 1**

**AN: We don't own Twilight blah blah blah **

**It's Catriona and Claire (again), back with another crazy story. This story was created in a Chemistry lesson (as you can tell, we work hard in Chemistry). Do not expect any remote seriousness in this story – don't say that we didn't warn you. If you liked this, then you should read "The Edward Diaries", also on this profile, or "Forth Side High" by cecills, or if you want something more serious, "All Over Again" also by cecills or "Fearless" by -C-L-SC- would be more suited.**

**Sorry for the self-promoting, we will begin now.**

It was 9.00 a.m. in the Cullen's house, and every Cullen stood around in the kitchen, looking into their loved one's eyes.

It was very quiet, apart from the occasional sigh or nose-brush.

Now Edward and Bella were high-school graduates, a married couple and Bella was a vampire, the Cullens had nothing on their agenda.

They had absolutely nothing to do.

When Bella was human it was all about entertaining her; which usually involved shaking a few keys in front of her face until she jumped up and down clapping.

But now, Bella was a vampire. An ice-cold, ageless vampire. Sometimes Emmett would still stare at her in awe of what a transformation she had made, which usually involved Emmett rating Bella's and Rosalie's butts against each other.

And now Jasper was not constantly on the verge of digging his teeth into Bella, he could focus on more important things in life. Like focussing on his future career – as a ballet dancer.

The Cullens stood in silence for a few more minutes, before something finally filled it. The phone was now ringing.

Many of the family began to look to one another, seeing if they would go answer the phone; but before they could decide, Emmett had eagerly answered.

It was a pre-recorded message in a stereotypical Floridian accent.

"Hello and congratulations! You have just won a round-the-world trip for eight! Stay on the line for more details!"

Despite everyone in the room hearing the call, Emmett screamed out he had won a round-the-world trip for eight anyway.

Many of the Cullens sighed, before Carlisle finally told Emmett to put the phone down.

Emmett refused and started scowling at him, closing his eyes until he could not see straight anymore. Emmett then called Carlisle jealous for not being the one to win the round-the-world trip for eight.

After many, many attempts, including Rosalie promising to become a professional pole dancer if he put down the phone and Edward promising to give up his subscription to _Moany McMoaner's Monthly Moan_, the Cullens gave up trying to challenge Emmett.

*2 WEEKS LATER*

Emmett sat still eagerly, phone in hand, on the couch in the Cullens' main room.

As Emmett was usually the one to fetch the mail, Jasper had to do it. As well as everything Emmett did before the phone call. Not including Rosalie.

*shudder*

Once Jasper had picked up all the mail with his teeth, as Emmett usually did, Carlisle realised, amongst all their magazine subscriptions and personal vampire advertisements, the phone bill had arrived.

All the Cullens, minus Emmett, Edward and Bella, gathered round the kitchen table, awaiting their mail. There were many letters to Jasper, surprisingly, but Jasper himself said they were mainly fan mail after his recent one man show at Forks' Theatre. The show made $11.

Carlisle read aloud what was going in everyone's pile.

"Esme: Here's _Nice People Weekly_, a postcard from Siobhan, Liam and Maggie who are visiting the Denali coven, and your tickets to _So You Think You Can Make Italian Food for Your Vampire Adopted Son's New Human Girlfriend: Semi-Finals_."

Esme sighed and muttered, "I knew I should have entered that competition when I had the chance."

"Carlisle; Me: _Volturi Monthly, Medical Experts Weekly, _and that film I've been waiting for. I've heard it's good. I think we should all watch it as part of family night tonight."

The Cullens looked at each other surprised, all questioning the idea of family night. Carlisle sighed.

"Anyway, the film is _Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan._ I heard it's very nice, suitable for all the family."

Most of the Cullens were going to say something, but decided it would be funnier to see Carlisle's face as they watched it.

"Alice: There's _Pixie Weekly, Away With The Fairies_, and that book you ordered, _How to Tell Your Best Friend She Needs to Close Her Mouth_."

At that moment all standing in the kitchen looked around the room trying to find Bella. They all looked at each other and nodded. _Still in that bloody cottage, _many of them thought in unison.

"Jasper: you've already got your "fan mail", but here's _Army Superiors Weekly, Ballet has men too Monthly_, and that book you've been constantly talking about, _So you're brother just lost his virginity at 106._ Good choice, Jasper."

"Rosalie. No mail this week. Oh, sorry, your copy of _How To be a heartless Bitch: Volume 23_ came."

Rosalie snatched it out of Carlisle's hand and began reading.

"Although they are not here, Edward: _Piano Playing Weirdo's Guide to Girls: Volume 108, _and that book _How to Get Over your favourite Elephant Ornament being Destroyed. _And Bella: no mail."

"Finally, Emmett. I'd rather not mention these names, they're a bit rude."

After Carlisle had finished distributing everyone's mail, and making a pile of vampire advertisements, Carlisle pulled out the phone bill.

"You do realise that's the reason we came down here, right? All that magazine crap was just a lead up to this. So can you just hurry up and open the letter. Please?" Rosalie piped up.

Carlisle opened the envelope carefully and pulled out the letter. All those gathering around the kitchen took a step closer to Carlisle, trying to hear first.

Carlisle's eyes widened as he dropped the letter. He turned quickly and screamed, "EMMETT! PUT THE PHONE DOWN. RIGHT NOW."

Carlisle failed to realise that behind him he had started a pile-up of vampires trying to see the bill. Once they had seen that Emmett had already spent over $15,000 on the phone call, they joined Carlisle in telling Emmett to put the phone down.

Then Carlisle shouted, "someone cut the phone cord!"

All in the room thought it was a great idea, although no one was keen to do it.

An argument ensued.

Meanwhile, in the cottage, Edward and Bella were *cough* in the middle of something *cough*. But Edward was being bothered by all the angry thoughts circling his family's heads. And, as he and Bella were, how should I put it, finishing, Edward screamed, "SOMEBODY FUCKING CUT THAT CORD. RIGHT NOW."

Bella was not exactly expecting this, and as it made the entire cottage shake, Bella was a little surprised at the outburst. She ignored it, putting it down to the movie they had watched the night before.

*flashback*

Edward had made the mistake of saying he wanted to know_ everything_ about Bella. This began, in Bella's opinion, with her being born. Edward had been subjected to a 4 hour video of Renee giving birth, and was badly mentally scared. He turned to Bella, "I was wrong, having kids was not a human experience you would miss."

*flash forward*

As the Cullens continued to argue over the phone-Emmett-cord-screaming situation, they turned to realise that the cord had just been cut.

By the ghost of Harry Clearwater.

"My God. I'm dead, and I still don't get to rest. Bad enough that I had to deal with Seth and Leah whilst I was alive, I now have to deal with you guys in death. God! Can't a brother get a little peace!" Harry shouted.

"Sorry, Harry," many of the Cullens said, hanging their heads in shame.

Emmett did not say this. His lips were trembling violently whilst his face had a look of desperation and depression.

"Here it comes…" Rosalie muttered, as all of the Cullens knew what to expect next.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF

(1.) DENIAL

Emmett curled up into the foetal position next to the now-fixed Cullen telephone. He swayed backwards and forwards trying to soothe himself, but nothing would work. He continued to rock back and forth all the while muttering "they will phone back, they _will _phone back!"

When questioned if he'd like anything, he would reply the same.

"Your call is important to us, please hold. I held…" and then he would burst into sobs and wails, which usually lasted about half an hour.

Emmett lay beside the phone for one week straight, before moving onto the sofa, where he would sit staring at the phone. This lasted for a further 4 days.

On the fifth day everyone was going about their daily duties as normal, when Emmett shocked all of the Cullens; by standing up.

The Cullens knew then that something substantial was going to change.

Emmett lifted up the entire table in front of him, and threw it violently back down to the floor, smashing it into smithereens.

(2.) ANGER 

After smashing up many more pieces of Esme's beloved furniture, Emmett decided that he would channel his anger by annoying each member of the Cullen family as much as humanly (or vampirely) possible.

Carlisle: Emmett stole Carlisle's stethoscope, making him unable to treat his beloved patients. He then used this stethoscope to hang Esme from the ceiling. However, Esme couldn't suffocate so simply hung there for a few days, until Edward noticed and cut her loose. Edward then marched up to Emmett and said, "What the hell are you doing?! You can't even hang a vampire, you FUCKING IDIOT!" Emmett was only angered even more by this and decided it was time to take his anger out on Edward.

Edward: After several days spent in the cottage, Edward emerged to play his piano. However, what he found was a piano that had been customised. It had bright blue and red flames spray painted on to the legs, and on the top, painted in neon yellow letters was, "EDDIE'S PIANO. DON'T TOUCH OR I'LL WRITE YOU A THREE HOUR LULLABY."

Emmett was not satisfied with simply doing this, as his rage extended to years of having to put up with Edward's moany emoness. So, while Edward and Bella were hunting he broke into their cottage and transformed the spare room into a nursery. In the cot he put a wrapped up bundle of blankets. Inside these he put a pregnancy test that was faulty and constantly read, POSITIVE.

Edward and Bella returned from hunting, Bella dragging her poor husband back to the cottage. As soon as Bella entered the cottage, she immediately removed all of her clothes. Edward was not interested in the activities Bella had in mind, as they had been doing them almost constantly since her change. He said, "emm… Bella my love, I'm going to go….uh….check the spare room…for…emm…cockroaches…yeah." Edward then sprinted to the spare room, slammed the door shut behind him and slowly opened his eyes. If vampires could have feinted, Edward would have.

His eyes widened in horror at the nursery, and in a total state of shock, he walked towards the cot. He leaned down, picked up the bundle, but as soon as his eyes came across the positive pregnancy test, he screamed like a girl and threw the blanket against the wall. He left the room even quicker than when he entered it and almost ran straight into Bella. Bella was quite happy about Edward running towards her as she thought the favourite part of her day was about to begin.

Edward brandished the pregnancy test in front of Bella and said, "WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. THIS!!! WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT A CHILD! THEY'RE DIRTY AND IRRITIATING! I ALREADY HAVE YOU FOR GODS SAKE! AND I'M SURE YOU WOULD CALL IT SOMETHING RETARDED LIKE MY DADS NAME AND YOUR DADS NAME MERGED TOGETHER! DO YOU WANT TO CALL OUR CHILD CHARLSILE?!! THAT'S LIKE ASKING FOR OUR CHILD TO BE BULLIED! ABORT IT NOW, OR I WILL!"

Bella stood for a minute in shock and then said, "1. I'm a vampire and can't conceive, therefore I am NOT pregnant! But I mean, we can totally keep trying if that's what you want…. 2. You're always so hot when you're angry…." Bella then threw herself at Edward and a 10 hour fight then ensued.

Eventually Bella got what she wanted.

Satisfied with the chaos he had caused, Emmett decided to inflict his anger on another member of his family.

Rosalie: Emmett sold her beloved red convertible and donated the money to an IVF charity, for those who cannot conceive.

Alice: Emmet paid Seth to follow Alice around, making her unable to see the future.

Jasper: Emmett took him to an Iron Maiden concert where Slipknot where opening. Seeing as how Jasper felt every emotion in the room, the angry heavy metal fans made the experience hellish for Jasper.

3. BARGAINING

Emmett was now satisfied that he had got rid of all his anger so he went and sat down next to the phone once again, deciding to phone every number in existence until he found the woman who had been offering the trip.

Several days later, someone finally picked up the phone. It was a woman from Glasgow, Scotland, who spoke in a very thick Scottish accent.

"Y'orite pal?" The woman asked, although Emmet questioned whether it was a woman or not.

"Emmm… I think you may have called me…regarding a round the world trip for eight?"

"Wait…who've I called in the past week…I've called Shantel, Shablee, Shardonnay, Nessie, Iona, the chippie, the pizza shop, the raj restaurant…and Billy. Oh wait, is that yoo Billy?"

Before Emmett could answer he could hear the woman talking to the people in the room saying "Billy's on the phone", before he heard a chorus of "Oh, Billy…"s from inside the room.

Emmett realised that this was not the woman he was seeking, but decided to ask anyway.

"Do you have a round the world trip for eight you could give me?"

"Nay."

"Please?"

"Nay!"

"Please!"

"NAY!"

"Are you some sort of horse?"

"NAY! NAY! NAY!"

"I thought so…"

They both, at either end, hung up the phone. Unbeknown to Emmett, the Cullens had been sitting watching him, and listening in.

Esme, slightly worried, asked: "who was that, Emmett?"

"Some random half man half horse who's friends with the Loch Ness Monster,"

The Cullens nodded.

4. DEPRESSION

Within the space of a few minutes, Emmett sunk into a deep depression. While Edward was hunting he moved into his room, dressed in his beige clothes and sat sobbing in the corner while listening to Edward's extensive collection of emo music.

He emerged only to take a large serrated bread knife and return to Edward's room. The Cullens were slightly concerned. When Emmett discovered that he couldn't slit his wrists due to his flesh being rock hard, he emerged again, looking for Jasper. After he had dragged Jasper away from his civil war books he asked Jasper to bite him. Repeatedly. The Cullens were now very concerned and immediately told Jasper to do no such thing.

A few days later little had been heard from Emmett so the Cullens opened Edward's bedroom door to find Emmett listening to Death Cab for Cutie, biting his own wrists. The Cullens were shocked and tried to persuade Emmett to end his depression. Nothing worked, until Emmett saw Edward looking back through all the photos of Bella he had taken when she was human and asleep. Seeing the path he was on, Emmett swiftly ended his depression.

2. ANGER (again)

As his rage returned, Emmett felt he had not inflicted sufficient pain on Edward and Bella for the years of irritation they had caused. While they were _occupied_ in their cottage, Emmett tracked down their meadow.

It was a representation of how love triumphs over all, and that Bella and Edward were made for each other, as all the intertwined plants showed.

Emmett destroyed it.

He ripped down the trees, tore up the grass, killed the bunnies and poisoned the wildflowers.

A few days later Edward and Bella were feeling nostalgic so decided to go to their meadow. What they found was a scene of utter destruction. They looked at the pulled up grass, the dead flowers, and the corpses of the bunnies. However, the final straw was the tree that had Edward and Bella's names carved into in, surrounded by a love heart. It had been torn in half, separating their names.

As they both sat sobbing on the ground, Emmett turned up.

"Sorry I destroyed your little luuurve…….meadow."

As he ran off Edward and Bella vowed to get revenge sometime in the future.

5. ACCEPTANCE

As the Cullens sat in the living room watching Jasper rehearse his pirouettes, Emmet walked down the stairs into the room.

"Guess what?!" he asked excitedly.

"I already told them." Said Edward.

Emmett ignored him.

"I just bought a round the world trip for eight! I think the woman on the phone would have wanted that."

Edward was growing irritated. As usual. "WE KNOW!"

Emmett turned to him, "WHY SHOULD WE LISTEN TO YOU BEIGE BOY! YOU DIDN'T LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY UNTIL YOU WERE LIKE 106! WHAT EXPERIENCE DO YOU HAVE WITH LIFE?!"

"Emmett, there are more important things in life than sex," said Edward, staring at Emmett, but also glancing at Bella.

Emmett was shocked. "wh…what?...WHAT?!"

The Cullens were sick of Edward's negativity and Emmett's stupidity, and so left to their rooms to go and pack for their round the world trip.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**AN: We are in no way suggesting the Royal family is like this or that they have done any of the things we have claimed. It is simply for comedic effect!**

**Yeah and just to warn you this chapter is very out of control and unrealistic, but just go with it!**

**We don't own twilight blah blah.**

**Please review and tell us what you think, any improvements we could make, or any places you would like the Cullens to go.**

The next morning, all the Cullens had managed to drag themselves away from their bedrooms, or cottages, to be ready for the beginning of their round the world trip.

They stood in a queue for check in for at least an hour before they were told by a fat, stupid woman with obvious facial hair that their flight had been overbooked.

The Cullens turned to Alice, with angered faces, expecting some explanation for how she had not for-seen this.

Alice just sighed and pointed to the figure behind her. Seth was still standing behind her, affecting her visions.

As Seth noticed Edward was now looking at him, a wide grin spread across his face and he waved eagerly. Edward smiled back uncomfortably, and tightened his grip on Bella's hand, edging ever closer towards her. Bella _never _complained about this.

The Cullens looked at one another and then to Emmett, who had come up with all of this in the first place. Emmett realised what they could do and smiled.

They were going to run to the East Coast of the USA and then swim across the Atlantic, to begin their trip in the UK.

Edward and Alice groaned and then replayed Emmett's plan to everyone else.

After several hours of running, they arrived on a cliff overlooking the Atlantic.

They all jumped off together, holding hands with the person next to them. As Seth grabbed Edward's hand eagerly, Edward turned, frightened, to find Seth's face right next to his, smiling happily. Edward was deeply disturbed by this, and knew this was going to be one hell of a long trip with Seth in tow.

After they had been swimming for quite a while, Emmett lifted his head above the water, attracting all the other's attention. They all listened intently for what should have been an intelligent comment. He said;

"You know that iceberg right there? It reminds me of a film I saw once, but I don't remember the name of it…what was it again…the one that won all those awards…it's a classic…the couple are really cute together…ummm….err…and the couple…one is rich and one is poor, kind of like Edward and Bella…one human, one vampire…they fall in love, just like Edward and Bella…their families disapprove, _just like_ Edward and Bella…and they kiss all the time…wait, that's not like Edward and Bella…and then he draws her naked and they have sex in the carriage…wait, these people are nothing like Edward and Bella! Edward wouldn't touch Bella with a ten foot barge pole before she was changed, unless she sprayed blood she stole from Biology all over herself…I like blood…it's tasty…I like tasty things…but blood's the only thing I find tasty…tasty is a strange word…taaaaassssttyyyy…I don't like cheese…cheese isn't tasty…"

The rest of the Cullens looked at one another, livid at this interruption. In unison, they shouted:

"TITANIC YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

"That DVD was tasty…" Emmett murmured.

Alice was shocked, shouting, "That was YOU!?!"

They all continued swimming in angry moods. Bella swam extra close to Edward, to try and swim and watch him angry at the same time. She failed, and crashed into him many times.

Eventually they reached the coast of Great Britain, dodging the seaweed and all the small children in inflatable rings, who had drifted out to sea because their parents were too busy reading about Prince Harry's latest scandal.

They arrived in Cornwall, but finding there was absolutely nothing to do there, they ran to London.

Seth, Bella and several others of the Cullens were quickly overwhelmed by the size and noise of London. It was very different from Forks. The sun occasionally shone there, and some days, it didn't even rain. The Cullens were in a total state of shock as they stepped slowly through the front door of the hotel. They were also overwhelmed by the British accents.

Unbeknown to the Cullens, they were being pursued by Silas, the brown cloaked albino monk from the Da Vinci Code. He was actually searching for Robert Langdon, and thought the Cullens would have some answers, so decided to stalk them around anyway, just so he could _see all the wonderful places God created_, and he could whip himself in different countries and see how the countries' salts affect the wounds in different ways.

The rest of that day was spent unpacking and sitting around in the hotel apartment, as they didn't want to arouse suspicion by appearing never to sleep.

The next morning, Emmett jumped up and announced that their first visit would be to Buckingham Palace. The Cullens were all excited, especially Emmett, who couldn't erase the hugely wide grin from his face.

After a traumatising experience on the tube, where they witnessed several innocent civilians being gunned down by Police, they reached Buckingham Palace.

Emmett spotted the guards outside the Palace gates and ran up to them like an excited child. The rest of the Cullens dragged themselves over and were soon helping Emmett try to get the guards to laugh.

After at least an hour of funny faces and knock knock jokes, they gave up. Carlisle then said, "Hey, guard! I'll show you how to be still!"

He then froze in place, not even breathing. The guards' eyes widened. One in particular said, "Oh fuck it, I'm off for ma lunch break. This guy's better than me anyway."

He thrust the giant bearskin hat and his rifle at Carlisle, said, "Look after her Majesty", turned on his heel, and walked towards Starbucks.

Carlisle, pleased with his new role, happily took up guard outside the Palace.

The rest of the Cullens headed inside the Palace for their tour. After half an hour of being led through ornate, old fashioned rooms by a crazy old tour guide that smelled of pee, the Cullens began to get bored.

As no one was looking, Emmett slipped away through a hidden door, into a stone corridor.

A little while later the family noticed Emmett was gone. Alice whispered, "Come on! We have to find Emmett before he causes an international incident!" The remainders of the Cullen clan jumped over the red rope separating them from the door and disappeared through it, leaving Esme chatting happily to the tour guide.

Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie wandered through the private rooms of the palace, desperately seeking Emmett.

Just as they turned a corner, telling Jasper off for practicing Pirouettes as he could damage the expensive furniture, they bumped head first into another family.

The Royal one.

The Queen, Prince Phillip **(an: the queen's husband for you non-Brits)**, Prince Charles, Camilla Parker Bowles, Prince William and Kate Middleton, stood staring in shock at these pale, beautiful people who had broken into their private home.

There was an awkward silence where no one knew quite what to say.

The Queen broke it. "And who might you be?"

Jasper face turned murderous. "You're worst nightmare...mwahaha-"

He stopped after Alice stamped on his foot.

"What I meant to say, you majesty, your highnesses and Kate, is that we are friendly Americans who have come on a visit."

At the exact same time, every Cullen stuck out their hand. The Royals shook them gingerly, reminding themselves to use hand sanitizer after touching commoners.

The Queen turned nervously to William. "They're not with Bush, are they?"

Rosalie piped up, "Hell no! Democrats all the way!"

Kate replied, "Go Obama!"

The Cullens nodded in agreement while the royals turned to glare at Kate, tutting. William however grinned and put his arm around her whilst some of the Royals muttered, "_peasant scum..._"

The Royals were slightly intimidated by the Cullens but missed having normal, non-snobs to talk to. And when they tried to talk to normal Brits, they couldn't understand what they were saying. They gave up entirely after Prince Phillip asked a man if he was single and he replied, "Naw, I have a bird." **(AN: Bird loosely means Girlfriend) **

Phillip was confused and asked, "What type?"

The man replied, "An easy bird."

After Phillip inquired as to how he could get an easy bird, he was quietly ushered back to the Palace by his staff.

So, a semi- understandable American accent was welcomed. Therefore, they didn't call security.

Within minutes they were all sitting on couches drinking tea and eating Victoria sponge. At least the Royals were, the Cullens just hid it in napkins.

Edward and Bella started chatting to the Queen and Phillip. Well, Edward discussed politics, Economics and other boring subjects while Bella sat, incredibly bored, eyes glazed over, mouth hanging open.

As they finished a discussion on how much of an idiot Gordon Brown was, The Queen noticed Bella.

"My dear, do you ever close your mouth?"

Bella shook her head, mouth still open, tongue lolling out, staring into space.

"I do believe I have something to fix that." Said the Queen. Edward's eyes lit up in happiness.

_Thank god, finally..._ thought Edward.

The Queen snapped her fingers, "SLAVE!"

A few moments later three people appeared, chained together by the ankles, bent over. They were wearing tatters and were starved. They dragged themselves towards the Queen.

"Yes your majesty?" One of them croaked.

"Bring me the device for closing mouths."

"Could you be more specific ma'am?" one of them asked.

The Queen's face turned red. "I could...BUT I WON'T!" The Queen then pulled a whip out of her skirts and began to repeatedly whip the Palace slaves. They screamed and ran from the room, ensuring they never turned their backs to the Queen. At least their backs couldn't be whipped.

Edward and Bella continued chatting as if nothing had happened. Edward made a mental note to get himself some slaves.

Alice, Jasper and Rosalie were chatting to Prince Charles, Prince William, Camilla and Kate. After several minutes of polite conversation about where they went to school, and their hobbies, (The Cullens lied), Kate turned to Rosalie and said,

"I really like your dress! Where is it from?" As Rosalie replied to Kate and they began a conversation on fashion, Charles could be heard muttering under his breath.

"Stupid commoner. Stupid clothes. Bet her family can't even afford clothes. Get some proper interests!"

By now everyone was listening to him. Kate retorted, "Well at least I don't spend my time making over priced sausages!"

After another awkward silence they fell back into conversation. Camilla turned to William,

"William, dear, don't forget that you are opening that new hospital tomorrow. Take a pair of large novelty scissors to cut the ribbon with."

"Oh shut up you old hag, you're not his mother!" Yelled Kate.

Yet another awkward silence followed.

Feeling that an explanation was needed Charles said to Jasper, Alice and Rosalie, "William's mother isn't with us anymore."

William became angry. "Yeah, thanks to her!" He nodded towards the Queen.

They all turned to evil the Queen and without warning she turned to face them.

In a very posh English accent she said, "What's your problem, eh? Stop getting all up in my grill!"

Camilla stood. "Bring it Queenie!"

"Yeah!" Said William and Kate, standing up next to Camilla.

Charles ran over to the Queen and Phillip who had by now turned to face the others at the opposite side of the room. Within seconds, a Royal dance battle had begun. The Cullens edged their way towards the door.

As Charles pressed play on the CD player and "Pump It" by the Black Eyed Peas began to blare out, Edward said, "We'll just be going now!"

The royals were oblivious. Camilla was doing a headspin. Charles was recreating a dance move he had seen in the latest Pussycat Dolls video. Phillip was having a heart attack. Just as they were leaving the room they turned to see the butlers joining in. They ran down the corridor, hearing shouts of, "break it down Jeeves" from the room behind them.

Meanwhile, Emmett was wandering through the palace, absentmindedly knocking over priceless vases.

He pushed open an ornate door into what appeared to be a guy's bedroom. And sure enough, there in the corner was Prince Harry. Changing.

"Oh shit! Sorry man!" Emmett shouted.

Harry laughed, pulled on his clothes and said, "Hey! Don't worry about it! I get it all the time in the army! You would be surprised how many people want a picture of _this_ body!"

"I know how that feels! All the girls at school try to get photos of me!"

"Wait, you're still in High School? That's what you call it in America, right?" Asked Harry, noticing Emmett's accent.

"emmm...uh.....NO! I totally graduated like....50 years ago!"

"Oh my god! Me too! Except I didn't! It was like 5 years ago, but whatever!"

"Did you say you were in the army?"

"Yeah! I went to Afghanistan!"

"Really? You fought?" Asked Emmett.

"Well...no..not really.... I sat in the barracks."

"Why, did they think you were too valuable to endanger?"

"No, they just didn't trust me with a gun. They were still pissed about two years ago when I stole a tank and drove it to Lord Fotherinham Uppity Snootynosed Charleslington's birthday party. Jeez, I was only a bit pissed!...okay, a lot."

"That sounds like my kind of party."

"We should so party together tonight! Wait, what's your name again?"

"Emmett."

"Okay! Cool! We're going partying tonight!"

Emmett was still confused. "Wait, what's your name?"

Harry looked offended. "You don't know?"

Emmett shook his head and looked guilty.

"It's Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales."

"I'll call you Harry."

And with that the two new friends put their arms around each other's shoulders and headed towards the nearest Pub.


End file.
